What you can expect from “Biographies of the Bible” classes and presentations regarding Noah’s Ark
- Noah: A Biography.
- Applying Noah's “Life Lessons.”
- How the media and academia attack Noah
- Defending Noah with “Scriptural Science.”
- Noah on tv, in the movies and in comedy. - The "good" that comes out of Hollywood & Academia.
What you can expect from “Biographies of the Bible” classes and presentations regarding Noah’s Ark
NOAH: A BIOGRAPHY
Why do we need to re-tell the story?
Was Joan of Arc Noah’s wife? Of course the question is ridiculous but a number of recent polls (CBN, Igniteus etc;) have uncovered the undeniable truth that Christians know little about the Bible, its characters and events. In other words biblical illiteracy is alive and well. Defending The Bible International believes that Christians need to reacquaint themselves with most biblical characters (major and minor) due to this unfortunate but recoverable trend. The “Biographies of the Bible” classes and presentations answer the following questions... Who was Noah? When and where did he live? Where is the story of Noah found in the Bible? What did Noah believe about God? What were his struggles? How has the media tainted Noah’s reputation and how can people of faith defend the Ark builder? The “Biographies of the Bible” classes and presentations answer all of these questions in an easy-to-understand manner.
APPLYING NOAH’S LIFE LESSONS
The Bible tells us in Genesis 6:9 that Noah was a righteous man, “blameless among the people of his time and he walked with God." Noah lived in a world full of corruption and violence and found favor with God. He was told to build an Ark (undoubtedly his family had concerns – admittedly, the scriptures do not allude to this) but he was probably questioned about this monumental assignment and the locals probably mocked his efforts. After decades of work Noah and his family completed their task, animals were put upon the Ark…and then the floodwaters came. After the Ark came to rest in the mountains of Ararat, Noah and his family offered a sacrifice to God. Afterward, Noah became drunk and his son (Ham) disgraced his father (the specificity of what occurred is unclear in the Scriptures).
We too live in a world similar to Noah’s - one of corruption, violence, family/outside pressures, doubts and failures. How do 21st century Christians deal with these ancient and modern issues in a godly, constructive way? The “Biographies of the Bible” classes and presentations provide the answers in a scripturally interactive forum.
MEDIA AND ACADEMIC ATTACKS ON NOAH
Since the early 1990’s Noah’s Ark has been a favorite target of academics / atheistic interviewees on the A&E, The Learning Channel, BBC America, the Discovery channels, History channels and other networks. Some of these false beliefs about Noah's Ark include...
Noah's Ark broke apart and sunk.
Lloyd Bailey (Bible scholar?) stated, "There is no boat there (on Ararat) and there never has been."
"Noah's Ark is part of one of these creation legends."
Noah sold beer and animals.
The size of the Ark, as the Bible describes it, is incorrect.
The flood, that is that they could in one of the television documentaries, is not worldwide but it looks like the overflow of a creek.
Moses stole and/or borrowed the story of Noah from pagan mythology.
Noah was the King.
Noah, born albino and circumcised, entered the world with a bright radiance.
Upon hearing of the coming deluge, Noah started to go insane.
Noah used the secret book (with instructions) made of sapphire to build the Ark.
Noah was attacked by a lion and crippled.
After Noah was flood, Giants ceased to exist (no Goliath for David to fight and defeat, no King Og - Numbers 21, 32. Deuteronomy 1, 3, 4, 29 etc;.). Noah planted a garden with Satan.
The search for Noah's Ark is compared with the search for Bigfoot, Loch Ness monster...
ANIMATED TV SERIES’ AND KIDS MOVIES (Satire vs. Neutral Comedy)
Family Guy (FOX): Brian, the Griffin’s talking dog, mocks the biblical story of Noah in a sarcastic manner (a senior citizen built an ark and rounded up two of every animal. A foul-mouthed Noah encounters a deformed animal and throws it overboard).
Robot Chicken (Adult Swim): Noah is building the Ark and realizes that there is no God. It's only a man with a megaphone who talked him into building a fishing boat).
Robot Chicken (Adult Swim): Noah intentionally tells the dinosaurs come unicorns and others the wrong time that the Ark was leaving because God hates freaks.
The Simpson’s (FOX): Noah stands atop a mountain with dark clouds and lightning flashes around him - the following conversation takes place between Noah and God...
God:Noah! Thou shalt built thyself an ark measuring 300 cubits in length.
Noah writing on a tablet:300 cubits... give or take.
God:exactly 300 and thou shalt takest two of every creature.
Noah: Two creatures...
God (sternly): Two of every creature!
Noah:Even stink beetles?
God: Especially stink beetles (God strikes Noah with a lightning bolt and he falls down).
(The next scene shows the Simpson family sitting in front of the television watching the movie)
Bart: Woah, cool! God is so in your face.
Homer: Yeah, he's my favorite fictional character.
KIDS MOVIE – “MUPPET'S FROM SPACE"
The opening scene depicts outer space and the Earth. A localized storm brews below. The next scene shows an exhausted Gonzo pleading to be let into the Ark. Gonzo runs up to the vessel and Noah forbids him to enter. Noah looks angry. Noah asks Gonzo what species he is (Noah is scowling). Gonzo is not sure. Noah sternly points to Gonzo and says, "then you are doomed!" Noah shuts the door of the Ark but then re-opens the door and hands Gonzo an umbrella saying, "you may need this." Gonzo panics and screams...No! No! I don't want to be alone (Gonzo wakes up, it was a dream). Note: In this "supposed" film for kids Noah is depicted as cruel, angry, harsh and uncaring. What message is this sending to kids about people from the Bible?
MOVIES ON TELEVISION, THEATRICAL RELEASES, LOW-BUDGET BIBLE TV & HUMOR
"Noah" starring Russell Crowe: Exploding rock monsters help Noah build the Ark. Methuselah has magical powers. Noah fights an enemy (Tubal Cain) aboard the Ark. Noah plans to kill his newborn grandchild/grandchildren. One of his sons becomes bitter and leaves the family after the Ark reaches dry land.
"The Ark," UP Network: Noah adopts a fourth son named Kenan (Islamic in origin). Noah’s family thinks that he is mentally ill because he is building an Ark. Noah’s frustrations with no rain prompts / forces God to send the flood. Many villagers including Noah, his family and the animals board the Ark.
NBC's "Noah's Ark": Noah's hometown is Sodom. He is nearly burned alive on a volcanic mountain. Noah becomes insane. Noah Ark is almost burned and destroyed by Lot's terrorist Navy (Why is Abraham's nephew living in this time period?). Noah doesn’t build the Ark – God does. Noah steadily slides into drunkenness and madness.
The Deluge: One episode of "The Greatest Heroes of the Bible" 1970's television series. This episode starred Lew Ayres in a fine performance as Noah and Eve Plumb (Jan on "The Brady Bunch") as a former slave girl who becomes one of Noah’s daughter's-in-law.
And God Spoke: This film is a mockumentary, in the same vein as "This is Spinal Tap," of low-budget filmmaking (not a mockery of the Bible - unlike the current trend of mostly animated tv series’ that hide behind the label of satire to spew their venom). In one scene Noah's Ark gets stuck in the warehouse door, during filming, because it's too large - at the last minute they change to a smaller warehouse. The actor playing Noah (a former Star Trek Klingon) hates to be around animals, a cow dies on the film set and Eve Plumb ("The Greatest Heroes of the Bible" 1970's television series, Jan on "The Brady Bunch") portrays Noah's wife. Note: This film does contain nudity, strong language and other things that others may find objectionable - those churchgoers, if the film was edited, would love this film if they enjoyed Rob Reiner’s "This is Spinal Tap" and other like-minded films by Christopher Guest.
THE GOOD THAT COMES OUT OF HOLLYWOOD AND ACADEMIA
The “Biographies of the Bible” classes and presentations encourage attendees with “Hollywood Stories of Faith” that are rarely heard anywhere else…
Actors: Dean Jones, Patricia Heaton, Donna Douglas, Sean Astin, Stephen Baldwin, Candace Cameron, Maureen McCormick, Demond Wilson, Lacey Chabert, Rock Hudson (deathbed conversion), Tiny Lister, Richard Kiel (JAWS from 007 films), Gavin MacLeod…
Musicians: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Alice Cooper, Dave Mustaine, Stryper, Florence Ballard, Natalie Cole, Vanity, Brian head Welch, Nicko McBrain (Iron Maiden), Dez Dickerson (Prince), Big Chick Huntsberry (bodyguard/security for AC/DC, Prince etc;)…
Comedians:Tim Conway, Bob Nelson, Steve Harvey, Saturday Night Live's Victoria Jackson, Brad Stine, Jim Gaffigan etc…
Pro-Bible Academic Organizations:The Institute for Biblical Archaeology, World of the Bible Ministries, The Associates for Biblical Research, Near East Archaeological Society, Life and Land Seminars etc;.
Sports Figures:Rosie Grier, Meadowlark Lemon, Lex Luger, Sting, Mickey Mantle, Tim Tebow, George Foreman etc;…
Pro-Faith Entertainment Alternatives: DVDs, music, animation, radio programs (pro-faith, old-time radio comedies, apologetics radio...).
This ministry endorses Christian participation in the arts and entertainment industry with no compromise yet respectful attitude.
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